Archive for the Interviews Category
Remember what life was like ten years ago, when, along with Britney Spears, DVD’s were like the coolest thing in existence? A DVD was a shiny reflective plastic disc that served two purposes–it could be used as a mirror that you could use to check out your acne, or it could be used as a medium to store the contents of The Matrix, so that you could watch the movie once you were finished crying about your acne. It was seriously a pretty chill piece of technology.
Fast forward to today. It seems like DVD’s just don’t get any respect anymore. HD-DVD and Blu-Ray have been two very rowdy little children, using their better video quality to bully poor daddy DVD all the way to the graveyard. So nobody likes DVD’s anymore, and the term “DVD quality” is now a bad thing. How terribly sad.
But like Romulus and Remus, the two kids who founded Rome, Blu-Ray and HD-DVD got really bored after they murdered their dad. They started going after each other, each becoming increasingly jealous of the other. After a few years of mutual pitchfork-stabbing, it looks like Blu-Ray has come out victorious, while HD-DVD bleeds to death.
But not everybody is happy about this outcome. Regina, a 30-year-old woman from Montana, was very upset when she learned that Blu-Ray had killed HD-DVD. I invited her to the sauhard.com headquarters to find out why she felt that way. When she came in though, her acne was so bad that I almost gagged. But she whipped out a DVD from her purse and held it up, so that she could apply acne medicine to her face. Then we got down to discussing the merits of HD-DVD and Blu-Ray discs.
Continue Reading “HD-DVD User Vents Frustration with Blu-Ray” »
Many economists believe that money should be distributed in a way such that everybody is happy as possible. So this generally means that if you’re rich, you should give your money to the poor (by paying high taxes). Similarly, if you are poor, you should receive money from the rich (by being negatively taxed).
Sometimes, of course, rich people grumble about having to give up some of their money for what arguably is no apparent reason. After all, they earned it, right? As a result, there are really only two realistic options that a rich person has when he or she is being taxed like crazy:
- Suck it. The world really blows.
- Blow it. The world really sucks.
Many rich people will resignedly grumble and choose Option 1. But that’s really boring, you know. More interesting are those who go about Option 2, often in very creative ways. We here at sauhard.com managed to effectuate something pretty interesting when interviewing a millionaire named Roy and a billionaire named Roger.
Continue Reading “Billionaire Hires Millionaire Servant to Promote Income Equality” »
Recent polls have found that the three major Democratic presidential candidates have an equal amount of support from likely primary voters in the state of Iowa.
Because of this, MarketWatch characterizes this contest as a dead heat. That really sucks. I really don’t like dead heats, largely for two reasons.
The first reason has to do with the fact that dead heats utterly lack liveliness (since they are “dead”), and as such, it would be absolutely awful to invite them to parties.
The second reason is that dead heats are just not very cool, because they have excessive temperatures. I only like excessive temperatures when I’m checking out eligible bachelorettes.
Anyway, I am glad to see that one Iowa voter, who goes by the name of Desmond, has something to say about dead heats. Let’s have a little chat with him to learn more.
Continue Reading “Iowa Voter Complains About Democratic Dead Heat” »
What do monkeys and sheep have in common? They’ve both been unnaturally reproduced via cloning. Wow!
Politicians and “analysts” will have their typical reactions to stories that involve cloning; some of them saying “What the bloody earth, this is such an outrage and undermines the very concepts that constitute life”, and others saying “Oh goody, this is probably a good thing, and shows why science education is so important and merits a tax increase.”
To either stereotypical reaction, I have nothing to offer except a long and inflated yawn. Politicians don’t do the actual cloning; rather, it is the cloners who do the cloning. Since cloners can be more interesting than politicians, let’s talk to one of them instead.
So what will be cloned next? Humans? Laptop computers? Cars? Maybe food? Yeah, maybe food.
Meet Sigmund. He is a cook at a franchise Mexican fast food restaurant in the frontier village of Boston, Massachusetts. He wishes to become a cloner, so he is quite fascinated by the concept of cloning. So, accordingly, I am quite fascinated to have an opportunity to interview him about his fascination about this fascinating topic.
Continue Reading “Fast Food Cook Discovers Strategy to Clone Tacos” »
There are two ways to “experience” an image-editing program such as Adobe Photoshop. The first way is to actually sit down and use the software for its intended purpose — to manipulate images. That’s easy enough. The second way, on the other hand, involves a significant amount of pain: you get used by the software, when some antisocial hater finds a picture of you, digitally defaces it, puts it online, and lets it spread virally. After something like that happens to you, life can really suck for a long time.
Anyway, while reading the news over a cup of chilled guava juice this morning, I was stunned to learn that Adobe plans to revamp Photoshop’s interface to make it easier to use. Well, kudos to Adobe! Simplicity is a good thing. Or so they say.
But when something becomes easier to use, lo and behold, guess what happens? It also becomes easier to misuse. So naturally, there must some people with out there with less-than-noble intentions, who must be absolutely thrilled to hear about this announcement from Adobe.
So members of the sauhard.com team tracked down Stacey, a girl who broke up with her boyfriend yesterday after a bitter argument. She agreed to talk to us about what she plans to do in the near future. Her plans do indeed involve Photoshop. I might warn you, they are not particularly pretty. Reader discretion is advised.
Continue Reading “Angry Girl Plans to Blatantly Misuse Adobe Photoshop” »